Our 9th Anniversary

Leslie and I with Dan Scott.  Many of you have heard about him and his struggles over the last year (you can catch up here), but did you know that he officiated our wedding?  Saith Dan, "Hey, Latayne, tell them what I say about that."  And Latayne says, "Everyone he's buried is still dead, and everyone he's married is still wed."

I'd like to acknowledge upfront that I know most of the readers of this blog have been married longer than Leslie and I and probably don't need any marriage advice from us.  In fact, some of you are examples that we've looked to and said, "We want to be like them."  But I'd like to take the occasion of this anniversary to reflect on a few of the reasons I think Leslie and I are still married and still like each other.  For you readers, to perhaps encourage you in your marriage. For me, to look back on later when I need reminding, and for our children to look at someday when they're interested.
    Marriage fascinates me.  Mine, yours, and random couples I see at restaurants and the grocery store.  I confess that if I know you and you're married I've probably discussed your marriage with my wife.  But more than everyone else's we've discussed our own marriage.  Continually.  Since before we were married until now.  What's working for us and what isn't.  What we've seen in others that we'd like to emulate, and pitfalls we'd like to avoid and our plan for avoiding them.  It's like premarital counseling never stopped.  We just keep talking about it.
    No, we don't set aside time to do this.  It just happens during the course of our day to day.  "Hey, I saw this couple at the store today..." or "JoeBob and Sue decided that.." or "What would you think about...?" and we talk about it.
     
Language We Choose to Use and Money We Choose to Spend...
      In my line of work the divorce rate is up around 75%.Many of the guys I work with refer to their wife as "my old lady."  I resolved that I would never do that, and instead I choose to speak honorably about my wife even when she's not around.   I believe the words I choose when she's not around affect my words and actions when she is around.
    We don't say mine or your's very much.  Leslie hasn't had earned reportable income in almost 8 years, but we get OUR paycheck on the 1st and 15th of each month, and budget OUR money together.  I run the locomotives, but it's her work and willingness that makes my work, and therefore our income, possible.
    And speaking of money......  Getting rid of debt, having a budget and a plan (thanks FPU) reduces marriage strain.  We can't afford everything we might want and we have a pile of kids in a relatively small house, but we don't fight or stress about money, statistically the #1 leading cause of wrecked marriages.  (You can read a great article on the big four marriage issues by clicking HERE.) 

A Bunch of Kids, the Digital Age, and Dating
    When you have two kids and a bump showing the world that the third is on the way you start hearing things like "Don't you know what causes that?" and "What, you don't have cable?"  We are expecting the arrival of our 5th child next month, and we've been hearing those comments over and over for the last 5 years.  My responses are always the same...."We like what causes that.  Don't you?", and "No, we don't have cable." 
    I won't discuss our sex life here (you're welcome, Leslie), but I will talk about cable.  I believe that TV and video games cause brain and culture rot and suck vast amounts of time from people's lives.  I don't like video games so that's not an issue for us, but I do like TV and movies.  But since the conversion to all digital over the air broadcasting, we don't even get a TV signal in our home since we still have an old style TV.  We do have a DVD player, Netflix, and Hulu.  Yes, we still watch stuff, but in our home all of our viewing is intentional.  There's no channel surfing for hours since we don't have channels.  If we choose to watch something we know how long we are choosing to sit and allow our brains to rot before we ever click play.  That leaves lots more time for talking and making raising our babies.
    Couples are encouraged in books and magazines to have a regular date night.  Get a babysitter and go to a movie once a week.  I think that's a great idea, and lots of people we know do this, but we don't.  It's just too hard to plan with my job and too expensive.  Maybe we're weird, but when we go out on the town we enjoy having our children with us. And I'd rather watch a movie at home than at a theater.  That way I don't end up paying for a nap, we can push pause to go potty, and  I can wear my luckypants and let my belly flop.  We do try to take a kid free trip every year or two and once in a while things work out for just the two of us to go out, but for now date nights just aren't for us.

Reason #1
    The numero uno reason we are still married is that I caught a good wife.  Or maybe she caught me.  Or maybe, like Merle Haggard once sang, we're still chasing each other.**free Time of the Preacher t-shirt to whoever can name the song I'm referring to and post the lyrics of the chorus in a comment** Leslie is nice to me and is patient and forgiving of my faults.  She laughs at my jokes.  Sometimes even before I tell her to.  She doesn't nag, doesn't "give me permission" or "forbid" me to do things.  She makes me want to do the best I can for her.

    In honor of our anniversary I'd like to share one of my all-time favorite songs, performed by two of my favorite artists.  And for all of you with young children, you should get Jewel's new kid's album, "The Merry Goes Round".  It's good stuff.