Leslie and I have a book called Love Talk Starters that I highly recommend. You can get it on amazon for less than $5. It’s not a preachy book full of chapters of advice. It’s just a small paperback full of prompts and one sentence questions that can really help you to get to know your esposa better. We’ve been taking this book with us on road trips for several years so we have gotten into the habit of discussing each other and our marriage when we travel. We had the book with us on our trip to Odessa
As the party was winding down Bro. John asked my grandmother if she had any advice for the rest of us. At first she kind of shrugged it off and then a couple of minutes later she said (as best I can remember),
“Seriously, John, I was only 16 years old when we got married and was still living at home. I went from telling my daddy, “Yes, Sir.” to telling granddaddy, “Yes, Sir.” It wasn’t that much different. I just did what he told me to do. Our relationship was never really 50/50. So many women these days were raised being taught that that’s the way that things ought to be. That she should have a career and make just as much money and have just as much say so as her husband. I had four boys never raised a daughter so I don’t know if I would have raised a daughter that way or not. I never had to make that decision…
It wasn’t always easy, but Granddaddy always provided for us and we just took care of each other.”
Some one else may have heard a woman describing how she never got to spread her wings and fly, that she’s been under a man’s thumb her entire life, that her sixty years of marriage were sixty years of bondage and oppression.
What I heard was an honest answer to the question that was asked, “What is your secret for staying married so long? Do you have any advice for the rest of us?”
What I heard was a personalized version of the verses from the fifth chapter of Ephesians. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…..Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …..`For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh.` This is a profound mystery…..”
On our way home as we continued our conversations about marriage, Leslie and I were talking about Grandmother’s advice and how we wanted our children to be wise in choosing whom to marry. How we want our girls to find husbands that will love and provide for them and be worthy of being submitted to, and that West will grow up with the expectation that he is to lovingly protect and provide for his wife and family.
And finally, all of that brings us to the song of the week. I remember sitting in class (I was a social work major in class with a bunch of libbers) when the teacher said that she had heard this song on the radio and that it was just awful and so offensive to women. I couldn’t hold my tongue and told her that I disagreed, and it made me smile every time I heard it because it made me think of both sets of my grandparents. I told her to look at the title of the song, “It Works.” It may seem like foolishness and some folks might not like it, but It Works.
As always, whether you agree or disagree, your comments are welcome.
“It Works”
He rattles his glass, she jumps up fast
And pours him a glass of tea
Deep in her heart she believes
That's the way it should be
Yeah, and I've seen my dad get fightin' mad
Over one little four-letter word
He'll tell you fast you don't talk like that around her
We may not see it the way they see it
We may not do it the way they do it
But she lives here life for him
And he'd gladly die for her
And even in this modern age, it works
Though he's been down in his back
He still jumps out of that sack
Every morning at 5 a.m. Having her home
With the kids has been worth it to him
Yeah, and she takes pride in being his wife
And making their house a home
And sometimes she wishes the world
Would just leave them alone
If the good Lord's willing there will come a day
When our children will say…
Even in this modern age, it works...
And pours him a glass of tea
Deep in her heart she believes
That's the way it should be
Yeah, and I've seen my dad get fightin' mad
Over one little four-letter word
He'll tell you fast you don't talk like that around her
We may not see it the way they see it
We may not do it the way they do it
But she lives here life for him
And he'd gladly die for her
And even in this modern age, it works
Though he's been down in his back
He still jumps out of that sack
Every morning at 5 a.m. Having her home
With the kids has been worth it to him
Yeah, and she takes pride in being his wife
And making their house a home
And sometimes she wishes the world
Would just leave them alone
If the good Lord's willing there will come a day
When our children will say…
Even in this modern age, it works...
4 comments:
I don't really consider myself to be an overly emotional person, but something about this post got to me and as I was listening to the song (even though I've heard it a million times before) I got a little choked up. I really appreciate and respect what you had to say here. I think I'll definitely be checking out the book you suggested.
Simply put, I have to disagree.
And as I have tinkered with my response for the last little while, I have been hard-pressed to articulate my thoughts in a compassionate and respectable way so I will simply state the following:
May my marriage never be something that just "Works." But may it be a synergy well beyond the sum of its parts, based on friendship, mutual admiration, love, respect, action, passion, peace, and grace.
May I never refer to my marriage as something that "works." But may I refer to my wife as what she is - my earthly salvation, my heartbeat, my provider, my protector, and my comforter. And I pray that I uphold my end of the bargain and that she is able to truthfully speak those words of me as well.
May my wife never need to submit to me in anything, as I put her first in all things.
I fear that if the day ever comes that my wife looks to me and says "Yes sir," I will have failed as both a man and a husband. If my son ever commands his wife to do anything, I will have failed to teach him as a father. May I teach him virtues of mutual respect, mutual admiration, mutual passion, and mutual friendship and to love her as he expects to be loved...and that his wants, needs, desires, hobbies, and dreams must always come second to hers. Always. Always. Always. In that way, any and all decisions they make will be together, allowing them to build a home that isn't 50/50 or 90/10...but that is always 100/0 in favor of each other.
- A Libber
I have a response...it just takes me a while to think!!! I'll be back!
Here's the short end of my response, because I could write a book.
I agree with you, and this is coming from someone who was very burned by submiting to my husband. Or so it would seem on the outside, but I still believe I did as I was commanded to do, and wouldn't change that.
I believe as women we are called to submit to our husbands, but in turn he also commanded husbands. "So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself" (Eph. 5:28) Men are to cherish their wives. It's a reciprocal relationship that takes both a man and a woman who love and respect God to be able to in turn love and respect each other as married partners. Maybe that's not romantic, but let's face it, marriage is not always romantic!
I understand what "libber" is saying, but I believe the idea of "submiting" is mis-understood and construed as something really bad and controlling. That's not the case at all. It's a biblical representation of how Christ loves the church and the relationship out of love that he wants with us. There is a huge blessing in that, and has nothing to do with control! If ever it does, than chances are you married the wrong person!!!
I honestly believe marriage is so over romanticized. There are ups and downs, and sometimes you find yourself going through the motions, but you keep going. You keep working, and I truly believe that God will bless you for the perseverance you've had in your marriage.
A wife should be all of those things that libber mentioned, but I didn't hear one thing mentioned about God anywhere in that. Correct me if I'm wrong. I believe that philosophy is really nice, but without God in the center it will fail. I want my husband to say all of those things about me, and he does, however, that's a lot of pressure to put on someone. I will fail him too and he will fail me. We're not perfect people. That's where Christ comes into play.
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